the blog

Found this book at the place we were staying last week in Catalina. It looked like the original release. I’ve always thought that Bill Cosby was funny – my parents used to have the “Why is there Air” LP, and I remember cracking up listening to it. Well this book was so funny that now I have to go buy it because I couldn’t finish it. Here are some of the best quotes from the book, if you’re a dad, you’ll probably get it…

Always end the name of your child with a vowel… A nervous mother needs an “o” or an “i” or an “e” because they last long enough to get the kid home for his beating.

The Lord was wise enough to make a woman’s pregnancy last nine months. If it was shorter, people with temporary insanity might have two or three kids a year, and they would be wiped out before the first one had learned to talk.

A parent quickly learns that no matter how much money you have, you will never be able to buy your kids everything they want.

They put a curse on their children: I hope that when you get married you have children that act just like you. (And of course the curse always works, proving that God has a sense of humor). My own wish is not a curse but a simple prayer: I just want the children to get out of the house before I die.

One day my wife said to me, “He’s your child. I wash my hands of him”. Where is this sink that you can wash your hands of a child? I want to wash my hands too and then the boy can go free.

And then you resolve the dispute with wisdom worthy of Solomon: “I don’t want anyone in this house to touch another person as long as you live.”

They ask a child a question, he tries to answer, and they say, “You shut up! When I ask you a question, you keep your mouth shut! You think I am talking to hear myself talk. Answer me!”

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any.

I must admit that from time to time children do like to share with siblings. For example, once in a while, a brother will try to remove his sister’s arm so he can play with it.

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